


The Endless Blue

by TheAuthorAgain



Series: Short Stucky Fics [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Stucky - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Depression, Love Letters, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mixed Media, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Public Relations, Suicidal Thoughts, media fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:34:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAuthorAgain/pseuds/TheAuthorAgain
Summary: Time is a funny thing, a thing that two soldiers from World War Two are incredibly affected by. This is their story, told by the voices of the world around them.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: Short Stucky Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093415
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you did not read the tags, this story contains strong language, suicidal thoughts, depression, mentions of torture and rape, and PTSD. These things are not included with the intent of upsetting anyone, they are used tastefully to further the plot in a more complex way. Please reach out if you have a specific trigger that you want me to make sure is not in this story, something that I wouldn't know to include a warning for. Stay safe and enjoy The Endless Blue!

November 16, 1943

Steve,  
I dunno why people say that war is hell. Then again, I ain't seen much of a war yet. Training is easy, for the most part-or at least, as easy as training can be. Don't you worry about me, kid, I'm doing just fine.  
How's home? Got a girl yet? You've got plenty of options now that all the decent fellas shipped out. I'll be headed overseas soon enough, once these yucks I'm working with get their heads out of their asses. But seriously, ace, tell me about Brooklyn when you write me back. I'm missing it already. Missing YOU already, funny enough. You're a damn fool, shrimpy, but none of these lugs got an inch on you.  
I'll keep this one short. Write me back, hey? I'd like a taste of home, even if it's just in your words.  
Buck

======

**What you need to know about the attack on New York**   
_By Roman Estrada and Akbar Hancock, CNN_   
_Updated 12:35 AM ET, Mon May 7, 2012_

**(CNN) —** On Saturday, May 5, New Yorkers watched in horror as aliens rained from the sky. The nation and world are still recovering from this event, and we are unable at this time to gauge an accurate casualty and fatality list.

We can, however, offer some basic information offered by the so-called "Avengers". This group of six appears to be the work of the FBI or another covert government agency, having been assembled for the sole purpose of homeland defense in the face of extraterrestrial beings. The President and the Director of the FBI and CIA are yet to provide an official statement on who these people are or how they came to be in New York as a portal opened over Stark Tower, releasing countless creatures into the streets of Manhattan.

Tony Stark himself has been very vocal in his beliefs that the Avengers were not responsible for any of the damage and death caused by this attack, but we are unsure how accurate this statement is. He has refused to give up the identities of his teammates, who are listed as follows.  
The apparent leader of the Avengers is Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man. We also know that Dr. Bruce Banner, better known as the Hulk, was a part of this team. This is intriguing, as the last we saw the big green killing machine was when he was rampaging in Harlem, four years ago. What changed, to make him help the good guys?

A man dressed in a suit resembling that of Captain America, the legend from World War Two, fought the alien beings with strength and agility matching that of the deceased hero. Witnesses say they believe him to be "the real Cap", but we have no evidence to show that he is anything more than just a man in a costume.  
Fighting alongside the star spangled man were two apparently normal people, albeit incredibly skilled in combat. A man and a woman-the man fighting with a bow and arrow, oddly enough, the woman with firearms. Their faces were uncovered during the battle, but the low quality footage captured was not sufficient for the government to unveil their identities.

Finally, the caped man with the long hair and hammer. Witnesses say that this almost medieval hero was flying, summoning lightning to attack the aliens. While most reporters would chalk these claims up to stress and adrenaline, enough madness has happened in the past few days that we won't refute anything the crowds say.  
The cause of this attack is, as of now, unknown. Stark has kept his mouth much more tightly sealed than usual, which isn't to say he's been silent. We know that someone he called "Loki" was responsible, and we of course know of the nuclear missile that was launched towards Manhattan and deflected into the portal above Stark Tower. We hope to bring more light to the subject as the presidential administration and other significant members of the government give their official statements.

=======

May 14, 2012

I feel like I should start off with a "dear diary". I won't. SHIELD made me get a therapist, the therapist made me get a journal. Let's hope it helps, yeah?  
The past few days have been insane, truly. I mean, aliens raining down from the sky? Who woulda thought-not me, that's for sure and certain. ~~Buck always used to say~~  
Fighting, though, that was the first thing that really felt right about this century. Because it's a new century, now, one where everyone I knew and loved is dead. My therapist is quick to remind me, every time I slip up and talk like I'm back in the war. Sorry, Carol, but it wasn't seventy years ago for me. I'm gonna mess up.  
She's alright, I guess. Carol. They put so much focus on "mental health" nowadays, I hate it. What happened to grinning and bearing it, manning up and pushing through? Everybody acts like it's such a sin for me to want to handle this on my own, everybody acts like I shouldn't seem as okay as I do.  
I'm not. Okay, I mean. I'm not. Can't sleep, just think about baby corpses and Bucky. Can't eat, just think about gunfire and Bucky. And I can't talk about it, because then I'd start blabbering on about putting that plane down so I could see Bucky. And that was a coward's move, one I won't admit if you put a gun to my head. Not that I'd mind having a gun to my head, right now.  
I was just low, okay? We all get low, we all get those thoughts. I just wasn't strong enough to resist em. So no, Carol, I won't talk about the Valkyrie. I won't talk about how cold it was, how it was like every winter I've ever known banded together and attacked me with all their might. I won't talk about how desperate I was, how ready I was to see Ma and Buck again. I won't talk about how I couldn't stop crying when it finally hit me, when I finally realized that I had failed at dying, that I was stuck alone forever just because I couldn't finish the fucking job.  
Maybe a journal was a good idea, I dunno. I just wish they'd save all these tips and whatnot for someone who wants them, someone who needs them. I'm fine, I'm just a little low.

=======

_(CBS News) Below is a transcript of "CBS Morning News" on May 23, 2012, hosted by CBS News' Patrick Herring. Guests include: Arisha Hinton, James Byers, Mahira Mustafha, Domas Archer, Gus Robles, Carrie Lang, Ian Greenway, and Sarah Polk._

HERRING: Hello everyone, and welcome to The Morning News on CBS. Let's cut straight to the chase-we have definitive proof that alien life is out there, which is-

BYERS: I mean, it's pretty cool, right?

LANG: Depends on what you think is "cool", James.

HERRING: This month, all news sources have been dissecting every part of the Battle of New York, but there's still a lot left to unpack. This morning, I'm joined by James Byers and Carrie Lang, who you may recognize from other CBS programs such as "Face the Nation" and "CBS Evening News".

LANG: Thanks, Patrick.

BYERS: Good to be here, pal.

HERRING: Our first guest this morning is Arisha Hinton, author of "Bear the Shield" and World War Two expert. Arisha, welcome to the show!

HINTON: Thank you, Mr. Herring.

HERRING: Patrick, please.

HINTON: Well, in that case, thank you, Patrick.

LANG: So, Arisha, you've dedicated a lot of your career to the study of Captain America, also known as Steve Rogers. The public has a lot of questions about the man we saw on May 5-was he a fake? A copycat? Or, is it possible that the man who appeared to have superhuman abilities on that day was in fact Steve Rogers?

HINTON: Straight to the point, huh? I like it. Look, we all know that Captain America is a legend. A hero.

BYERS: I know that I definitely had a poster of him when I was a little kid.

HINTON: But it's hard to say whether or not he was really there during the battle of New York.

HERRING: But we can rule out that possibility, right? I mean, Captain America died seventy-some years ago. Isn't the debate how someone new gained his abilities?

HINTON: They never recovered a body. In 1945, Steve Rogers piloted his plane, The Valkyrie, into the ocean to save New York from the explosives it was loaded with. That plane was never found. Rogers was known to have incredible healing, even having taken a bullet to the neck and surviving months before his plane went down-

BYERS: Wow.

HINTON: -so the question is, could he have survived that crash?

LANG: The Valkyrie was packed with explosives, right? So even if he did hypothetically survive the initial landing, wouldn't the explosion following have killed him?

BYERS: Carrie, that was seventy years ago. The guy obviously couldn't've lived that long-

HERRING: Well, James, let's hear what Arisha has to say. Arisha?

HINTON: Thank you, Patrick. Carrie, you bring up a good point. However, the explosives on the Valkyrie were sensitive to the cold, and have been known to be disabled by low temperatures. That would explain why there was no explosion, and would open up the possibility that Rogers survived.

LANG: Okay, so the guy's in the cold. Not to be too contrary-

HINTON: Go ahead, this is a debate-

LANG: But wouldn't he have died of hypothermia? Hang on, unless-

HINTON: There have been theories that if the Captain did in fact land in ice, he could've been frozen in a sort of "cryofreeze".

BYERS: But that can't be possible, I mean, hasn't cryofreeze been attempted before?

HERRING: On normal humans. But Captain America wasn't a normal human. He had superhuman healing, like Arisha said, so isn't it possible that...

=======

April 6, 1935

Dear Mr. Brown,  
It is my pleasure to recommend Steven Rogers for a place in Auburndale School for the Arts. I am Joshua Hunt, Steven's current illustration teacher. I have seen many students come and go in the time I have worked at Brooklyn Heights High School, but Steven is one who uniquely stands out.  
I met him when he was a freshman, small for his age and quiet. The other kids always picked on Steven because of this, and I only felt pity for him until he attended my drawing class second semester. There I learned that Steven is not only an incredibly gifted artist and student, but a good man. He is a quick learner, and he maintained high marks even through the death of his mother.  
Steven may not seem as qualified as other applicants, seeing as his lack of finances makes him unable to pay for extra classes or materials. But I can assure you that he is an excellent fit for your school-not only will he bring his incredible and versatile talent, but his good character and strong will. He will bring you excellence, Mr. Brown, and I implore you to look past what you see as shortcomings and see what a gifted individual Steven is.  
I would be happy to further illustrate Steven's value, and you may feel free to come to Brooklyn Heights High School or call me at 347-662-1957.  
Sincerely,  
Joshua Hunt  
Arts Teacher

=======

Mon, June 18, 2012, 4:15 PM

**Carol Davis** <caroldavis87@gmail.com>  
To Steve ▾

Hello, Steve! I've noticed that you have continually rescheduled our sessions for later dates. This isn't an attack whatsoever, I was just wondering how I can help you recover in a way that would work best for you. This is not an easy time for you, I'm aware of this, and I just want you to feel more comfortable in this new century.

Would it help if we had strictly email exchanges? I know that face to face is difficult for you, and I would be completely fine with talking to you over the phone or on a secure email server. Please respond with the ways you would be comfortable having our therapy sessions!

Mon, June 18, 2012, 6:28 PM

**Steve Rogers** <capsteverogers@stark.com>  
To Carol ▾

Carol,  
I'm doing really well, actually, which is why I've been rescheduling. Adjusting is hard, but I'm pretty used to drastic change already and I'm handling it well. Thank you for reaching out, but I think that it's okay to either cancel our sessions or have them less frequently.  
Steve Rogers

Mon, June 18, 2012, 6:45 PM

**Carol Davis** <caroldavis87@gmail.com>  
To Steve ▾

I'm so glad you're doing well! Let's plan to have one more session in the next couple of days, and then we can decide what the schedule will be from then on.

=======

January 3, 1944

Steve,  
You didn't write to me. That's fine, I guess, I'm sure you're busy with work and whatnot (don't got me to pay rent for you, ha), but couldn't you take the time? I'm in Italy now, and it's...just write me back.  
I hope you stopped trying to get into the army. This ain't a place for you, Stevie, it just ain't. You're a good man, a strong man, but you shouldn't have to see as much violence and death as I'm seeing now. You should stay with your books and canvases, go to dance halls and try to take a dame home. Your struggles should be limited to fistfights in an alley and making ends meet. Stay safe for me, alright? I got enough to worry about already.  
Buck

=======

**Signs and symptoms of PTSD**

PTSD develops differently from person to person because everyone's nervous system and tolerance for stress is a little different. While you're most likely to develop symptoms of PTSD in the hours or days following a traumatic event, it can sometimes take weeks, months, or even years before they appear. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell.

While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are four main types of symptoms.  
 **-Re-experiencing the traumatic event** through intrusive memories, flashbacks, nightmares, or intense mental or physical reactions when reminded of the trauma.  
 **-Avoidance and numbing** , such as avoiding anything that reminds you of the trauma, being unable to remember aspects of the ordeal, a loss of interest in activities and life in general, feeling emotionally numb and detached from others and a sense of a limited future.  
 **-Hyperarousal** , including sleep problems, irritability, hypervigilance (on constant "red alert"), feeling jumpy or easily startled, angry outbursts, and aggressive, self-destructive, or reckless behavior.  
 **-Negative thought and mood changes** like feeling alienated and alone, difficulty concentrating or remembering, depression and hopelessness, feeling mistrust and betrayal, and feeling guilt, shame, or self-blame.

**Positive ways of coping with PTSD:**  
Learn about trauma and PTSD.  
Join a PTSD support group.  
Pursue outdoor activities.  
Confide in a person you trust.  
Spend time with positive people.  
Avoid alcohol and drugs.  
Enjoy the peace of nature.

_Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A., Lawrence Robinson, Robert Segal, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., helpguide.org_

=======

September 10, 2012  
I'm so tired. I'm tired of the cold, the cold that hasn't left me since I woke up from the ice. And I'm tired of how no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking of Buck. At least I got Carol off my ass. I can deal with this shit on my own, don't need some lady telling me that I'm not coping right. I'm just tired, that's all. She doesn't know a thing.  
Bucky would know how to help. He'd know just what to say to make me happy again, give me a smile that isn't faked for the sake of the people around me. I just...I miss him. I miss him so damn bad, so much it hurts. Some days I can't even get out of bed, because it actually feels like I've got something sitting on my chest.  
He just knew me, knew me for more than I can offer the world. All people care about nowadays is what I can give them, how I can help them. Buck never cared about that, he cared about ME. He looked past my body, big and small, saw who I was inside. No one's ever done that before, other than Peg.  
I still haven't gone to see her. She's still alive, I know that much, but I don't wanna see my friend all old and frail. It's easier for me to pretend they're all dead than see them looking like they are now.  
I'm alone, now. Which is fine. I know loneliness, I know pain, I know how to handle it. I'll be fine.

=======

**A Thirsty Girl's Rating of The Avengers**  
Because obviously.

By Johanna Sumner, Buzzfeed Contributer  
December 6, 2012

**Let's be real, we're all turned on by superheroes.**

So, now that we have six of our very own, let's rank them! Obviously, they are all sexy as hell, but if you had to choose...

**6\. Hawkeye**

Look, the guy is cute in a very Katniss Everdeen kind of way. But what do we know about him? Not much, except that he's got muscles for days and he can take down an alien. So sorry, Hawkeye, but you're coming in last.

**5\. The Hulk**

If you don't think about the fact that he's a middle aged doctor by day, the Hulk is HOT. I mean, those abs don't grow on trees. And that roar? Giving me chills just thinking about it.

**4\. Captain America**

Good ol' Cap. Since Tony Stark confirmed that he's Steve Rogers, I'm kind of less attracted to him. I mean, who wants to bang a ninety year old man? But that doesn't mean that his ass isn't popping in that suit.

**3\. Iron Man**

The only reason Stark isn't in first or second is that he's been in the public eye since he was a kid, and I feel weird sexualizing the guy when he's in a committed relationship and I can picture him as a child. That said, Tony is SEXY and you can't deny it.

**2\. Black Widow**

Russian spy with a body like that? Sign me up. I may not be into girls, but I can objectively say that the mysterious Black Widow is hot as hell and I would let her into my bed any time.

**1\. Thor**

I mean, come on. The long hair, the flying powers, the majesticness? Anyone would want a piece of that. Plus, he's a prince from another world, a NORSE GOD! Thor very much has earned his place at the top of this list, even if his brother is evil incarnate.

=======

February 22, 1944

Steve,  
Really, kid, would it kill you to write me back? I miss home. I miss YOU. Did you get killed by some idiot all worked up because he didn't get accepted? Are you out on the streets, lonely and cold? I can't stop thinking about you, can't stop worrying. At least it's a distraction.  
I don't wanna tell you about the things I'm seeing, don't wanna bring any part of you into my world. Guess I'll just keep praying you're sleeping in that rickety old bed instead of a rainy street. God, I miss those streets. It's so quiet here, I miss the sound of morning birds and the bickering from that stupid bakery across the street. I swear to the Lord on high, the fella that ran that shop woke up at the crack of dawn just to holler loud enough to keep me from sleeping.  
I miss the noise, though. The sound of people, all sorts of people, not just scared little soldiers being bossed around by other men. I miss waking up to an alarm instead of a yell. I can't believe I used to hear that clock go off and think it was irritating.  
You know I like reading. I can't nowadays-even if I had a book, I doubt I would be able to find the time or the energy to enjoy it. But maybe you could tell me a story? One that isn't about battlefield glories or a girl back home? I'd like to hear your stories.  
Buck

=======

To Do

-Go to that World War 2 exhibit opening (starts at noon, be there at ten)  
-Gym  
-Grocery shopping  
-Research: Cold War, Afghanistan, disco?, Weezer  
-Draw something you dumb piece of shit

=======

May 3, 2013. Witness account of events at the TCL Chinese Theater. "Yeah, it was just crazy, there was just like fire everywhere. I was with my sister, and we just ran. I'm glad Iron Man ended up getting the Mandarin, though, that was good. Why are you getting my story about the Theater bombing so late, anyways? ["It's for an anthology, ma'am."] Oh. Well, I didn't see much. Just a whole lotta fire."

=======

_"Bear The Shield (2013 Edition)"_ by Arisha Hinton, Ph.D.

Final Note

I published this book as a biography, an account of the truly incredible story of an American hero. Never in a million years would I have anticipated that Steve Rogers, the man I spent hours upon hours researching and analyzing, would end up alive and well in today's society.

I write this not knowing what will happen to Rogers, what things he will endure or people he will save. But I do know that he deserves to have this book dedicated to him, he deserves to have the world remember the things he's done for us. Yes, to everyone else, they happened forever ago. But to him? To him, they are still fresh.

I urge everyone reading this to be kind. To take all you've learned and use it for good, remember that we are all human even if some of us are superhuman. The Avengers have received an immense amount of backlash following the attack on New York in 2012, but they deserve our love. Steve Rogers deserves our love.

No one else in the world has seen the things he has seen. No one else in the world has endured the things he has endured. And yet he still stands, still fights to give us freedom and equality. Steve Rogers, I never thought I would see you alive, but here we are. Thank you, and may God bless you.

=======

October 30, 1944

Steve,  
Well, now I know why you didn't respond to my letters. Shit, I shouldn't even be writing you this one. You're two tents over, talking to your girl and being all American and shit. I hate it. I'm sorry, Stevie, but I hate it.  
Why couldn't you just stay home, huh? Just had to play the hero? Had to prove to the world that you're worth something? You're worth EVERYTHING, you don't need to risk your life to prove that. I could tell you any damn day you want.  
I'm fucking pissed, Steve. And I know I'll never tell you out loud, I'll never give you a letter or pass a message, but I'm more angry than I've ever been in my miserable life. You left me, just to come get me. You made me think you were dead, just so you could try to be like me. You don't wanna be like me, Steve. I'm not a man you wanna be.  
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad your outsides reflect your insides. I can see you, practically glowing. Basking in the spotlight you've always wanted. Good for you, pal. I'm proud. But you ain't the kid I left back in Brooklyn, you ain't my Steve. My Steve wouldn't leave me like you did.  
I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you what happened in that place, Steve. Not anymore. Seeing you come get me, I thought I was dead and you were an angel. You were an angel come to take me away, let me just be happy and sleep with the sounds of the neighbors talking on the other side of a thin wall and drunk fellas hooting at girls on the road instead of gunfire and muffled sobbing. I thought I was safe-and I was. I thought you were mine-and you were. Then. But the second she looked at you, I was chopped liver. Will you look at me if I grow some gams? Will you see me, REALLY see me, if I borrow her lipstick and talk all sweet?  
Walking back to camp, I wanted to tell you. Tell you about the doctors and the cutting and the shots and the pain that never stopped, even once that factory was burned to the ground. But you weren't there, Steve, Captain America was. And I'm not sure I like the guy so much.  
He's cold, you see. Analytical, practical, distanced. Nothing like the passionate artist I know, the one who'll explode at guys in the street and listen well when you got something to say. Where'd he go, Steve? Where'd you go? Did you think I'd be fine after weeks of torture? Did you figure "oh, that's just Bucky, who cares about him." Guess no one cares about me anymore, if you don't.  
I'm glad you got your girl. Can hear her laughing right now, in fact, you gotta be charming the hell out of the broad, you sonuvabitch. Maybe Cap'll come around once he's had his fill of Peggy Carter. I'll tell him I'm fine, Steve, because he ain't you and he doesn't deserve to know the truth. I'll tell YOU the truth, though. Guess an empty page is the only one who'll listen to me.  
Buck

=======

[Photographer Maxwell Wyatt has captured an image in Greenwich, one of both horror and beauty. As catastrophe struck the city, inspiration struck Wyatt and he took out his camera to document the destruction of the Old Royal Navy College. The Avengers have made no statement on this event, though it appeared to be similar to the Battle of New York just a year and a half ago. Wyatt's photo shows a dark pillar crushing down on an ancient building, black and ominous. November 8, 2013.]

=======

January 1, 2014

I still haven't seen Peggy. Still. I know where she is, I know how to contact her, I just haven't.  
Am I just a coward? Maybe, I don't know. They say she has Alzheimer's, that she might not even recognize me. I can't even imagine the girl I knew losing any part of her mind. She was always so intelligent, so brave. Beautiful. I think I loved her, even though I'm not quite sure what love is.  
She was the first girl I ever had. Not that-we only ever kissed, just the once, but she noticed me. Even when I was small, she looked at me like I was more than something to pity. When I was big, she looked at me like I was more than something to respect. She made me want to be more, and now she's gone.  
Not gone, not dead. But the Peggy Carter I knew, she isn't around anymore. She's been lost to time. And I just can't bear the thought of seeing how good her life has been since I left it.

=======

Активация солдата

_Желание  
_ _Ржавый  
_ _Семнадцать  
_ _Рассвет  
_ _Печь  
_ _Девять  
_ _Добросердечный  
_ _Возвращение на родину  
_ _Один  
_ _Товарный вагон  
_ _Солдат?_

=======

November 12, 1944

Steve,  
Y'know, I think I misjudged you. You ain't as bad as I thought, guess you were just hopped up on adrenaline or victory or something. Woke up screaming last night, you came rushing in. You held me, like I held you all those years when we couldn't afford heating and I was all you had to keep warm. You held me, you let me cry, and you didn't say a word in the morning. You were YOU again.  
It's still taking some getting used to, seeing you look all muscly. Not that it's bad, it's just different. You still walk the same, though, which is pretty damn funny. You act like you're that scrawny little kid, the one who'd lose a fight to a toothpick, while standing around in that giant body.  
I dunno why I'm writing you letters you'll never read. I dunno why I'm taking the time or the paper. It's...nice, I guess. To think I've got something waiting for me back home. To think you're still back home, safe in your bed, far away from this shitstorm. Don't get me wrong, kid, I'm damn glad you're here with me. I'm thrilled that I get to joke with you, talk about home with someone who understands. Just wish we could be together somewhere else.  
Philips said I could go home, Steve. I wanna go home. But I said no, because home ain't home without you. You're my home, cheesy as it sounds, and I couldn't even think of leaving you when you've dug yourself into a hole this deep. You don't understand, Stevie. You haven't seen it yet, the bodies just tossed around on the ground like dolls God played with and abandoned. The kids, fuck, the kids, fighting because they have to and dying because there ain't no God on the battlefield. There's only fear, and fire, and people who don't wanna be here anymore but gotta.  
I don't have to be here anymore. I could LEAVE. But I won't, because you're an asshole but you're my asshole and you're making me stay without knowing. You're just too damn innocent, blue eyes sparkling behind that ridiculous helmet of yours. You ain't seen the things I've seen, and I gotta be here when you realize that you fucked up bad. I gotta comfort you, Lord help me, because when you hurt I hurt and I can't take no more pain.  
I won't tell you this, Steve, I'll just write it down so it doesn't spill out of my mouth when I've had too many drinks. I'll protect you, I always will.  
Buck

=======

Mr. Rogers,  
Thank you so much for using my gym! It's truly an honor to have a hero such as yourself come in. However, I would appreciate if you cleaned up a bit more, or refrained from destruction of property. Your business is your business, but I've sure had to replace a lot of punching bags and mop up a lot of blood.  
Again, do what you're gonna do. But if you could leave some cash or something to help cover up the expenses, I'd appreciate it.  
-Curtis

=======

_Natasha Romanoff - 2/10/14, 7:43 PM_   
_You been to the zoo yet, Rogers?_

_Steve Rogers - 2/10/14, 7:51 PM_   
_No, should I go?_

_Natasha Romanoff - 2/10/14, 7:52 PM_   
_Yes. They've got way more animals nowadays and the cages aren't like what you remember when you were a kid, they're more humane._

_Steve Rogers- 2/10/14, 7:55 PM_   
_You asking me to go to the zoo with you?_

_Natasha Romanoff - 2/10/14, 7:56 PM_   
_Depends, are you saying yes?_

_ Steve Rogers - 2/10/14, 7:57 PM  
_ _Maybe another time, sorry._

=======

**Captain America, The Running Man**   
_March 16, 2014_

Steve Rogers, although having moved to Washington DC a few months ago, was spotted going for a jog in Brooklyn this morning. The Captain has laid pretty low, along with the other Avengers, only coming into the public eye when a catastrophe demands his attention.

Everyone wonders what the guy does when he isn't kicking aliens in the face or saving kittens from burning buildings...and from this picture taken by a Brooklyn resident, it seems like he just lives a normal life. Who would have thought? I guess superheroes can't be super all the time.

Is Rogers going to be moving back to New York? Everyone knows that Brooklyn is his home town, but we're unsure if he'll be returning. Maybe if the guy wasn't so hard to track down, we could ask him. In any case, it's always fun to catch a glimpse of one of the Avengers. Speaking of which, Tony Stark has been caught touching another woman's hand in the shocking photograph below...

=======

December 26, 1944

Steve, Why you gotta be so stupid? I mean, seriously, it should be illegal how dumb you are. Talked to your girl, she told me everything. Jumping on a grenade? Jumping out of a goddamn PLANE? You're a fucking idiot.  
I love you all the same, though, Lord help me. She said those things like they were something to be proud of, like they were something brave. She doesn't know you like I do, she doesn't know that you're just a reckless little shit who will do anything for the people he cares about. Just you wait til he's jumping out of a plane to save YOUR ass, Peggy Carter, then you'll get why I'm pissed.  
I don't like her, Steve. I know it ain't fair, but I don't like her. You're not the same, and I can't help but feel like she's the reason why. She ain't like all the girls we knew back home, the ones who'd bat their eyelashes and toss their hair over their shoulders so you could take a good look at their collarbone. She's strong, like you. She's funny, crude. I got no reason to hate her like I do, but I do. Why do I hate her, Steve? Wish you weren't so head over heels for the dame so we could figure it out together.  
Buck

=======

_Natasha Romanoff - 4/14/14, 6:39 AM_   
_MISSION ALERT. EXTRACTION IMMINENT. MEET AT THE CURB. :)_

=======

Agent 13 to Agent A  
FOXTROT is down, it appears that HLT2WS is responsible. LAZARUS is capable, the only one who can ------- HLT2WS. HLT2WS intel?

Agent A to Agent 13  
HLT2WS is [REDACTED] operative, responsible for the SWANSONG and others. Known (-): bionic limb with 12ICE, increased [REDACTED] factor, espionage, LEVEL6COM. Assumed (-): 12ICESER sim to LAZARUS, [REDACTED] pain [REDACTED], possible 3297 or GEN*8 with [REDACTED]. Update on FOXTROT?

Agent 13 to Agent A  
Stable FOXTROT, NIGHTBIRD confirmed FOXTROT pulled H27. [REACTED] has compromised HLAND, trust no one.

Agent A to Agent 13  
Understood.

=======

Sat, August 7, 2004, 3:01 AM

**Sam Wilson** <c00lguyssavelives@gmail.com>  
To Dolores▾

Mama, I'm coming home. Riley died. I can't tell you how, but I'm really scared. Can I just come home, please? They're letting me come home, but I don't think I wanna be alone, Mama, I don't want him to be gone but he is and can I please just come home

Sat, August 7, 2004, 6:12 AM

**Dolores Wilson** <dolorescake000@gmail.com>  
To Sam▾

I'm getting your room ready right now, baby. Hang in there. I love you so so much.

=======

**Steven G. Rogers**   
**Patient H & P**

**CC:** Drowning, blunt trauma to head, three bullet wounds to stomach, bruising to chest, broken tailbone and left humerus.

**HPI:**  
Patient is roughly 30 years old biologically, male, presenting with multiple injuries obtained during battle and fall from unknown height. Patient was found on the side of the Potomac River on April 18, 2014, and admitted six hours ago. Patient woke up three hours ago and said CC was arm and stomach, describing chest and head pain as a continual ache, arm pain as a dull burning sensation, and stomach pain as stabbing. Movement aggravates pain, patient is resting and being given the painkillers developed by Dr. Bruce Banner to heal.

**PMH:**  
No relevant medical/surgical healing due to the patient's unique healing cycle. No family history. Patient lives alone in Washington DC, serving as a soldier. Patient denies any suicidal thoughts and tendencies, depression, or PTSD. No known drug or tobacco usage. No allergies.

**Medications:**  
Unnamed painkiller, 400 mL injected every other hour.

**ROS:**  
Full ROS and physical examination performed and charted by Dr. Benilde. It is of notice, however, that the patient appears to have had CPR performed on him by an unknown persons, due to the thoracic bruising. Said person may also be responsible for the patient's placement when found by search and rescue.

[See assessment, plan, and discussion in Dr. Benilde's attached notes.]

=======

_(CBS News) Below is a transcript of "CBS Evening News" on April 25, 2014, hosted by CBS News' Carrie Lang. Guests include: Alex Tran, Belinda Torres, Kate Greene, Julian Benilde, Major John Murray, and Garret Wallis._

LANG: Hello everyone, and welcome back to the Evening News on CBS. On April 18, we witnessed the fall of a large aircraft in Washington DC. Simultaneously, all of the data collected by a covert government agency called SHIELD was released to the public. I am joined now by Garret Wallis, who has been one of the many people analyzing this data. Garret, what can you tell us?

WALLIS: Well, there's a lot to unpack. Natasha Romanoff, otherwise known as the Black Widow, has been identified as the party responsible for this massive data release. Steve Rogers has also been identified as part of this conspiracy. There's so much to unpack here, though, so much intelligence that SHIELD had collected, it's nearly impossible to look at it all.

LANG: That's very true, Garret. Should we start off with SHIELD itself? What the organization is? Up until six days ago, the general public had no idea SHIELD existed.

WALLIS: Yeah. Yeah. SHIELD is-or, was, really-a massive organization dedicated to gaining intelligence and using it to defeat threats to the United States and to the world. Their main threat, and the reason Romanoff released the data, was an opposing organization called HYDRA.

LANG: And what can you tell us about HYDRA?

WALLIS: Well, it started way back in the forties, was a branch of the Nazi party that eventually split off and persevered even after World War Two ended.

LANG: What's their goal, do they still hold those values of the Nazi party?

WALLIS: I-it's hard to know, I'm not sure...

LANG: That's perfectly fine, Garret, this is a difficult time and we can't expect you to know everything. As a general rule, though, we can assume that HYDRA is bad and SHIELD is good?

WALLIS: Yeah, for the most part, yeah. HYDRA infiltrated SHIELD, started calling some of the shots, that's why Romanoff released the data. At least, that's what she's claiming right now.

LANG: Yes, should we talk about Romanoff and the other Avengers? We have access to their full files, now, everything they've gone through and all the information about the Battle of New York and their other missions. What do you think about that, Garett?

WALLIS: I won't lie, it's pretty scary. You think you wanna know those things until you have the information, and then you wish you could go back. I mean, we all wanted to know what was up during the Battle of New York, right? But we could trust that there was someone else taking care of us, that the Avengers and the government could handle everything. And now we know that that's not true, that they knew nothing then and they know nothing now and that aliens could drop out of the sky at any moment, and we'd be completely unprepared. It was so much easier when we were in the dark.

LANG: Ignorance is bliss, right?

WALLIS: Understatement of the year, Carrie.

=======

June 9, 2014  
You know, I'm really sick of all the hate I'm getting. I thought that releasing the data was the right move, but now I'm not sure. It's been almost two months, and the Avengers still have zero trust from the public. That, or they have so much trust it hurts.  
People just assume that pain makes you stronger, makes you braver. It doesn't. Pain makes you scared. Pain makes you want to have less pain, and it you get too much, it makes you want more. Pain becomes all you know after a while, makes you forget what it's like to be happy.  
The Avengers, we've seen a lot of pain. We've reached that threshold, where it's just easier to just sink into the hurt. And having all that pain exposed to the world, everything we've ever been through available to any peeping tom? Not my favorite thing.  
But it's hard to care, when Bucky's alive. It's easier to look at all those hateful or pitying faces when I'm scanning them to find him. It's a distraction, a purpose. A purpose other than just hurting people or exploding things. And I'm embracing it, dammit, I'm gonna find him and I'm gonna bring him home. I have to.

=======

April's fatality list:

-Agent Dante Romero. Was deep cover in Portugal for six years, stoned by his community when that cover was blown.  
-Agent Cecil Hancock. Shot by a teammate on a mission minutes after the data leak.  
-Agent Miguel Shea. Stabbed in the chest by a former SHIELD operative as revenge for the death of a loved one that Miguel was responsible for.  
-Agent Jaiden Cohen. Killed in a HYDRA base when his cover was blown.  
-Agent Daryl Avalos. Killed in a HYDRA base when his cover was blown.  
-Mrs. Ana Vickers. Eighty year old retired Agent, killed by her husband when he learned of her past.  
-Agent Deacon "Preacher" Ratliff. Thrown out of a SHIELD helicopter while heading home to his wife after a three year mission.  
-Ms. Kit Borealis. Civilian intern at the Triskelion, committed suicide upon realizing she was unknowingly aiding a former Nazi organization.  
-Mr. Alastair Crawford, Mr. Conan Marin, Ms. Lucy Sadler. Caught in the middle of a shootout between Agent Felicity Monroe and Agent Tim Pierce. Monroe and Pierce are each in critical condition.  
-Agent Grant Howells. Strangled by a woman avenging the death of her sister that Howells was responsible for.  
-Agent Vienna Portillo, Agent Torin Weaver, Agent Sherry Estrada, Agent Oliver Basset, Agent Ahmad Reed, Agent Everett Webber, Agent Jared Powell, Agent Matthew Swift. Suicide.  
-Sixteen unidentified Agents killed by a HYDRA suicide bomber.

=======

Excerpt from Kendrick Lamar's new song, "Freaky Lady", released on July 28, 2014.

"Singing about your problems, kid?  
You shit without a belt  
She's a bad baby, freaky lady  
Givin' and givin' and-

Yo. Who's the homie dropping bars?  
Fucking girls in crazy cars  
Man, I wish yo ma could see what she did when she put a gun to me  
Ain't a problem, she seen it she solve em  
But damn, when I fight?  
I'm SHIELDing, I'm falling

You seeing this too, bitch?  
You smelling the smack and the chew, bitch?  
Is it new, bitch?  
Or was we just waiting for you to snitch?  
The Widow ain't beauty, she bad  
She best when her homies is had  
She fucking with Fury and fucking the jury and-

Singing about your problems, kid?  
You shit without a belt  
She's a bad baby, freaky lady  
Givin' and givin' and-"

=======

January 5, 1945  
Steve,  
Damn you. I never thought-DAMN you, Rogers.  
I'm a fan of a pretty girl. Broads twirling in pretty dresses, leaning down so you can see what they're hiding behind em. But fuck, Stevie, you're killing me over here. I ain't queer, alright? So why are you making me look twice when you take off that silly little costume of yours at the end of the day? Why don't those pretty girls look the same as they did back in Brooklyn?  
Not that I'm seeing many pretty girls nowadays. Middle of the wilderness, that's where we are, huddling up at night so we don't lose our toes to the cold. I've done this a thousand times before, Steve, I've held you to protect you for years. Why is it different now?  
I told you a little bit of what happened in Azzano. We were on watch together, quiet coating the air. And you heard me, Steve. You listened. I don't remember much anymore, most of what happened when I was strapped to that table's been lost to the fuzzy parts of my memory, but you heard what you had to say. And I swear to God, I saw a tear on your face through the dark.  
I always knew I loved you. But this...this isn't the kinda love I'm supposed to have. You ain't my brother, it doesn't feel like the way I love Eugene or my Pa. It feels like the way I loved Dolores, forever ago, and that scares me.  
I can't lose you, Steve. I won't tell you, I promise. I can keep a secret if it means you stay safe, if it means you stay mine. Lord knows I've done it before. I won't drag your soul down to hell with me, because you deserve to spend eternity with your Mama and rest with the angels. Always my angel, kid, you'll always be the one who saved me when you thought I was saving you.  
This love don't feel like a sin, though. It feels like heaven on earth, it feels like a choir singing your name. It's warm, it's something good in the middle of a den of evil. I won't kill this love, it ain't a Nazi, and I couldn't hurt any part of you if I tried. You've got my heart, Stevie. You've got it, even if it's hidden behind a wall of deflecting jokes and careful lies.  
Yours,  
Buck

=======

"Perhaps there is beauty in being broken. Perhaps we only truly see when we're blinded. There are a thousand things I will never know, but this is not one of them: remembering the past is the only way to survive the present. Without memory to guide, we are lost."  
-M. L. Marshall

=======

Sat, August 30, 2014, 3:01 PM

**Sam Wilson** <youwishyouwerethefalcon@gmail.com>  
To Natasha▾

Alright I know you're busy but Steve is acting weird as hell and I need your help. He's obsessed with finding Barnes and I need you to talk some sense into him because I can't

Sat, August 30, 2014, 3:34 PM

**Natasha Romanoff** <natrom6678@gmail.com>  
To Sam▾

Steve thinks Barnes is his friend, isn't it logical for him to want to find him? Trust me, obsession is better than him being weepy and practically catatonic like he was when they took him off the ice.

Sat, August 30, 2014, 3:40 PM

**Sam Wilson** <youwishyouwerethefalcon@gmail.com>  
To Natasha▾

Okay, I hear you, but he's literally OBSESSED. Like not eating, not sleeping, spending hours rereading that stupid file you gave him obsessed.

Sat, August 30, 2014, 3:42 PM

**Natasha Romanoff** <natrom6678@gmail.com>  
To Sam▾

I've known Steve longer than you have, Sam, he's a weird guy. This isn't abnormal for him. I'll come to DC if you want me to, but I really think he'll be okay.

=======

August 30, 2014

God, I don't think I'm okay. Shit, I'm not okay. Is this a mental breakdown or something? I usually avoid the therapy books people give me but I think there's something wrong. I CAN'T RELAX, no matter what I do, I can't stop moving and doing or I feel like I'm gonna blow my brains out. It's just with all the shit that went down after the data leak, and how the ENTIRE public is watching me, and I finally know what happened to Buck, and I saw Peggy for the first  
Shit, it's too much. It's too much. Nat tried to talk to me, I think, she at least came over to my apartment and made me watch Bob Ross with her. I felt like I was gonna explode, I feel like I'm gonna explode, I'm gonna explode. I just want Bucky here, I want him here so bad it HURTS and he's not here. He's not here he's not here and I

=======

_Tony - 12/6/14, 5:37 PM_   
_Hey hun I got an idea you ready?_

_Pepper - 12/6/14, 5:38 PM_   
_I'm never ready for your ideas and you know it. What is it, Tony?_

_Tony - 12/6/14, 5:40 PM_   
_A Christmas party with all the Avengers and their families and stuff! It'll be like a big family reunion!_

_Pepper - 12/6/14, 5:45 PM_   
_Huh, that's actually not a bad idea. But things are pretty tense right now since none of you guys have really talked since the data leak, are you sure this is something you want to do?_

_Tony - 12/6/14, 5:46 PM_   
_Yeah, actually, I want to do it BECAUSE everything's tense. Don't tell anyone, but I kind of miss having my people around._

_Pepper - 12/6/14, 5:47 PM_   
_My lips are sealed. Wanna start planning when I get back from this stupid dinner with the CFO?_

_Tony - 12/6/14, 5:48 PM_   
_Sounds great :)_

=======

Tumblr user @imnotapelican  
| Okay but like can we talk about how much Black Widow has been through? Like that bitch was a CHILD SOLDIER for the fucking KGB and she still chose to leave the dark side and like change her whole life??? That's aMAZING. I feel like everyone is hating on her and the avengers rn but seriously, we gotta take a sec and recognize how awesome they are

=======

January 25, 1945  
Steve,  
You're beautiful, you know that? You deserve to hear it said a thousand times, because it's true. Wish I could tell you out loud, but I'll make do with words on paper that'll never be said. Is this a love letter, now? Are these notes I'm hiding in the secret pocket of my pack just sappy things I'd mock the hell out of if I didn't write them? Maybe. I don't mind.  
You were always beautiful, even when you were built like a bird. Those eyes, those lips, that voice. Beautiful. I ain't used to thinking of fellas the way I think of you, but God, I don't care. I can't care, because I'm falling harder every time I see your face.  
You were always strong, in spirit if not body. Your strength has always lied in your morals, the way you refuse to back down from a fight you know you can't win. It annoys the hell out of me, when you do that, but I've always secretly loved it. Because it's YOU, Steve, you're so true to yourself that it hurts. Wish I could be myself, too, if it wouldn't get me hurt.  
Because that's important, too. The whole "crime against humanity, betrayal of God's plan" side of loving you. I've never been much for rule following, you know that, but it'd be nice if how I feel wasn't so goddamn evil in everyone's eyes. I guess it don't matter, so long as I can stay by your side.  
Yours, always yours,  
Buck

=======

A New Age of Holographics: Binarily Augmented Retro-Framing   
Quentin Beck, Stark Industries

**Abstract**  
This study was an exploration of the abilities of holographic engineering, and successfully created a projector collection and computer program able to mimic real scenarios and settings. While a few undergraduate students assisted me in the work of physically creating these projectors, I was able to design the code on my own and develop a completely functional virtual reality system.

=======

Video footage outside of Sal's Diner in Minneapolis, 1 PM on January 17, 2015. No audio is available, but we have attempted to read the lips of the men outside.

BLOND: [Walking past, sees brunet sitting next to a dumpster] Hey, you okay?

BRUNET: (Mouth covered)

BLOND: Geez, no need to be rude... [Brunet sits up a bit, blond sees his face and looks shocked] Buddy?

BRUNET: You're (?), right?

BLOND: Fuck, yeah. Yeah, bud, I'm Steve. Can you round okay?

BRUNET: I'm fine...why are you here?

STEVE: Missin', there was a hire a base. (Turns head away from camera for a moment) look in?

BRUNET: I'm not a charity case.

STEVE: No. But you're (my?) buddy, and (?) home. [Steve kneels down, brunet scooches forward a bit.]

BRUNET: Is it safe?

STEVE: You will always be safe with me, buddy. [Steve stands, the brunet tentatively follows him away from the dumpster and out of sight of the cameras.]

=======

1-23-15 JARVIS revision

1 const JARVIS.1 = [JARVIS.1]  
2 command //diff;  
3 console.log 'verbal' [command]  
4 command (location.barnes)  
5 //expected output: give location {tracker.barnes}  
6 command (wintersoldierinthehouse.protocol)  
7 //expected output: initiate protocol (hulkinthehouse.protocol)  
8 command moniter {vitals.barnes}  
9 //expected output: if {dangervitals.cap} then (ineedahero.protocol)  
10 command restrict access {tracker.barnes}  
11 //expected output: if {location.outofbounds} then (escapee.protocol)  
12 console.log topic {speak]  
13 command restrict (JARVIS.1.vocabulary)  
14 //expected output if {foodnotfriends.initiater} then restrict topic {barnes}

1-24-15 JARVIS input  
Upload file: treatment_plan.doc  
Attachments: barf_overview.doc, barf_system.xeg

=======

March 3, 2015  
Is it stupid for me to hope? Because, God, I think he's getting better. We've gotten the trigger words out of his head using Stark's complicated tech thing he won't shut up about, and he's starting to recover some memories. Not all, not even most (not even close to most if we're being real), but some.  
I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, I shouldn't expect him to be anything other than who he is. But fuck, I miss my friend. I really miss my friend, and I might have a chance at getting him back.

=======

**Another Avengers level threat**   
_By Yuvaan Tait, Hazel Sparrow, and Graham Sinclair, CNN_   
_Updated 11:37 AM ET, Mon May 1, 2015_

**(CNN) —** Just hours ago in the country of Sokovia, the Avengers faced down a massive robotic army that, if our current information is correct, was created by the Avengers themselves.

The nation is reeling, as an entire city was lifted out of the sky and dropped back to Earth, causing massive amounts of destruction and death. The exact number of casualties and fatalities are still being determined.

The Avengers appear to have gained new members recently, ones the public is unsure if they can trust. The Iron Patriot made his first appearance with the Avengers, along with a man with mechanical wings, a flying red man shooting yellow lasers out of his head, a woman with control over some sort of glowing red smoke, and a seemingly powerless man dressed in all black. We are still waiting to hear on who these people are and whether or not we can trust them.

The Avengers are facing a lot of public backlash, especially since their reputation took a dip after SHIELD's data leak last year...

=======

University of Rochester Medical Center

If you're caring for someone with memory problems, these tips may help. You may be able to help the person keep his or her confidence, independence, and dignity for as long as possible.

Be flexible, patient, and help the person try to remember what he or she can.

Make it easier for the person to remember new information. For instance, keep new information simple and repeat it often. Break down new activities into small steps.

Provide verbal cues rather than ask questions. For example, say: "This is Jane, your cousin, who has come to see you." Don't say: "This is Jane. Do you remember who she is?"

Establish a regular routine. This will help the person feel more secure and make it easier for him or her to remember what usually happens during the day. Too much variety and stimulation can be confusing.

Writing down important pieces of information can be helpful.

Learn what to expect. For example, managing irritation may be easier if you understand your husband can't remember how to unload the dishwasher because of his disease. It is not because he doesn't want to be helpful.

Seek help from family and friends.

=======

**Colombia Pictures Announces New Film Starring John Krasinski**   
_Krasinski will be playing Captain America in this historically accurate drama about the military over time._

By Amy Allan, Screen Rant  
July 4, 2015

Many people have taken on the role of Steve Rogers, legendary soldier recently come back to life. This movie will not be about Rogers, director Wes Anderson says, as he wants to focus more on what war is about rather than the "overdone 'Cap is a hero and they all went home happy' trope". It documents three separate stories of three fictional soldiers in different time periods, minimally focusing on details of the war people may already know.

Anderson is not a military man, and is known for his quirky comedies. When asked why he chose this film to create, Anderson said "we've got enough hate coming at the Avengers right now, and I won't hide my opinions towards them. Anyone who chooses to give up themselves for another deserves recognition and respect, and that's what this film is about. People, not battles."

The role of Captain America is small in this movie, as Anderson didn't want to take away from the stories of the three soldiers whose actors are yet to be announced. Krasinki, in a recent interview, said he "didn't care about the size of the role, Cap's a hero I'm proud to play."

=======

["Shit going down!!!!!" says the name of the live Instagram feed. Outside Stark Tower, we see seemingly countless police cars and SWAT teams, painting the surrounding buildings with a wash of red and blue light. "Bring out Barnes within ten minutes, and we will not forcefully take him out," an officer says through a microphone. "Fuck, bro, this shit real," a bystander says, and the person holding the phone turns to look at a grinning teenage boy next to him. "Yo, you think we gonna see Iron Man?" a higher pitched voice says behind the camera, as he turns back to the building. "Wait, hold up, somebody coming outta there!" Indeed, a small group of people are exiting the front doors of Stark Tower. The person holding the phone zooms in, but is unable to see who it is. "I think that's the Avengers, bro," the boy next to the camera says in awe, but the phone holder doesn't turn. The feed shows several SWAT team members sprinting up, grabbing one of the members as the police officers lift their guns. "Put your hands up! Hands up!" several voices yell, and the Avengers do so with no complaint. "Damn, are they arresting the Avengers?" the voice behind the phone says, flipping the camera to show another teenage boy's amazed face. "I think they arresting the Avengers!" As we hear the sound of police officers shooing away the crowd, the boy's face drops and he stops the feed.]

=======

**Jessica Randall**   
**Queens, New York**   
**jrandall-law@stark.com**

Professional Summary  
Experienced lawyer with background in criminal defense. Has successfully taken six inmates off of death row.

Core Qualifications  
● In depth knowledge of federal prison systems and criminal prosecution.  
● Experience with difficult clients and troubled pasts.  
● Strong beliefs in the inherent goodness of clients, no matter what brings them to court.  
● Excellent oral advocacy and conflict diffusing.

=======

**Bella**  
@mathewmorrisonisthedevil666

The Bucky Barnes trial is insane! This man is a hero and should be treated as such! #JusticeForBarnes

↩Reply ⇄Retweet ⭐Favorite ↩Storify ⋯More  
8:59 AM - 15 August, 2015

=======

Bailiff: All rise. Department One of the Superior Court is now in session. Judge Everett presiding. Please be seated.

Everett: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. Calling the case of the People of the United States versus James. Are both sides ready?

District Attorney Travis Roman: Ready for the People, Your Honor.

Public Defender Jessica Randall: Ready for the defense, Your Honor.

Everett: Will the clerk please swear in the jury?

Clerk: Will the jury please stand and raise your right hand? Do each of you swear that you will fairly try the case before this court, and that you will return a true verdict according to the evidence and the instructions of the court, so help you, God? Please say "I do". You may be seated.

Roman: Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: the defendant has been charged with first degree murder, abduction, treason, and crimes against humanity. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence showing Mr. Barnes to be guilty of these charges, and the presentation of this evidence is simply a validation of fact. The defendant is guilty as charged.

Randall: Your Honor and ladies and gentlemen of the jury: just as there is evidence that James was present at these crimes, so there is evidence that he was coerced, brainwashed, and forced into them over a seventy year period of rape, torture, and forced memory loss. James is not responsible for these acts of violence, because James had no control over what his body was doing. My client is not guilty.

Everett: The prosecution may call its first witness.

=======

March 1, 1945  
Steve,  
Switzerland sure is pretty this time of year. I mean, dead of winter and all, it ain't exactly pleasant, but I like it all the same. You've got us on some mission tomorrow, but I can't worry about that. It's just been a while since I wrote you, figured I oughta say something while I've got the time.  
You and Carter are holed up somewhere, making plans. She's lovely, loud, exactly right for my best guy. I'm glad you're happy, Stevie. Even if it breaks my heart.  
I tried to write a poem, y'know. Been drafting it in my head all day. Wanna hear? It's probably shit, but don't judge too harsh. You know I ain't a poet.

"Forever land  
A breathing view  
Is shrouded in  
The Endless Blue.  
The sky is clear  
I'm here with you  
There's nothing more  
I'd rather do  
Than sit a while  
Because it's true-  
You're better than  
The Endless Blue."

You really are, kid. And don't you dare forget it.  
All my love,  
Buck

=======

[Seeing as the trial of James Barnes is an international spectacle, the entire proceeding is being filmed. The world watches as on September 2, 2015, Barnes gives a detailed explanation of exactly what happened to him all those years he spent in HYDRA's service. The transcript of this pivotal moment is below.]

Roman: And you admit to committing these acts?

Barnes: Yes, sir.

Randall: Objection, Your Honor.

Everett: Overruled.

Roman: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant has just stated that he was responsible-

Randall: _Objection, Your Honor._

Everett: On what grounds?

Randall: Prejudicial evidence, Your Honor. While my client may admit to these crimes, he has already been shown to have not been in his right mind and therefore cannot be held accountable. By insisting on using this singular argument for my client's guilt, Mr. Roman is actively attempting to pit the jury against my client.

Everett: ...Sustained.

Roman: Sust-are you-?

Everett: Rephrase your question, Mr. Roman.

Roman: I...Mr. Barnes, were you aware of your actions while in HYDRA's service?

Barnes: Yes, sir.

Roman: You claim to have amnesia, correct?

Barnes: Yes, sir.

Roman: So how can you remember what happened during all those years?

Barnes: They wiped me after every mission, sir. My memory was shot to hell-heck during that time, but now that I'm in the process of recovery, I can remember.

Roman: Mr. Barnes, do you ever feel you did good during your service to HYDRA?

Barnes: Excuse me?

Roman: We are all in agreement that your charges are vile, clearly. But there had to have been something good you did all those years, yes? Something that helped the world instead of hurting it?

Barnes: I...No. No, I don't, sir. There were times when I would be kind to the other people working with me, when I would remember myself just enough to share or to help them up. But that wasn't kindness. When people beat you and rape you and use every form of torture they can think of on you just for the fun of it...helping those people isn't helping anything at all. If the kid I gave an apple to hadn't shoved a pistol up my ass the night before, hadn't cut his name into my skin and watched it heal over and over again, maybe giving him that apple would have been a kindness. But even in my good moments, when the parts of me started shining through, I was only helping people hell-bent on ending the world. So no, sir, I never did anything good in HYDRA's service.

Roman: So you don't believe in the inherent goodness of people?

Barnes: Sir, if you spend seventy years in constant agony, being cut open and skinned and electrocuted and beaten and broken until you're nothing at all, if that happens to you and you still believe that every single human being on this Earth is good inside, I'll worship you instead of Jesus. I believed in goodness, once, before I saw the worst evil that humanity has to offer. Now I know that the goodness I do find, that's something to cherish.

Roman: No further questions.

=======

_ Rhodes - 9/10/15, 4:30 PM _   
_Hey, be nice to Bucky when they bring him back to the tower. I think he's pretty shaken up._

_ Tony - 9/10/15, 4:31 PM _   
_Of course I'll be nice to the guy, who do you think I am???_

_ Rhodes - 9/10/15, 4:32 PM _   
_I think you're Tony Stark, the man who would think it was HILARIOUS to put up decorations that said "happy not-a-war-criminal day" all over the Tower._

_ Tony - 9/10/15, 4:33 PM _   
_Those were tasteful, honeybear! And whimsical!_

_ Rhodes - 9/10/15, 4:33 PM _   
_And insensitive!_

_ Tony - 9/10/15, 4:33 PM _   
_Hilarious!_

_ Rhodes - 9/10/15, 4:34 PM _   
_Just chill out, okay? Pretty please?_

_ Tony - 9/10/15, 4:35 PM _   
_Sure whatever. Wait a sec, did friday snitch on me again? I thought I disabled the tony's being an ass protocol_

_ Rhodes - 9/10/15, 4:35 PM _   
_You aren't the only one who knows code ;)_

=======

September 28, 2015

Dear Mr. Rogers,  
I hope this letter finds you rotting in hell. You are despicable for allowing that man to walk free, a disgrace to the name of your family and your country. How dare you betray us like this, you faggot! You disgust me. Hope he stabs you in your fucking sleep.  
Hate,  
A Concerned American

=======

**Avengers! The Mobile Game**

Play as your favorite superheroes and save the world! Race against the Chitauri in New York, battle Ultron in Sokovia, or practice in our bonus levels to upgrade your player and get ready for the fight! You can play as Captain America, Iron Man, Hulk, Iron Patriot, or Thor in this AMAZING experience for everyone. The general release is on December 1, but you can join our beta testing and start playing as soon as November 13!

**REVIEWS**

Clyde Cartwright - Two Stars  
Look I really like the avengers and everything but the gameplay just isn't there. We need more boss battles, I already beat Ultron and I've only been playing for a week

Justicefordestiel - Three Stars  
The graphics are literal ass but I really like that you can pick who ur playing as and u don't have to stick to one avenger. Also maybe include more??? Like u got the best characters but that doesn't mean you can't put in some of the other ones

boop - One Star  
This game keeps crashing!!!!!!!!! Fix it!!!!!!!!!!

=======

Sat, November 28, 2015, 9:16 AM

**Pepper Potts** <ppotts74@gmail.com>  
To Happy▾

Tony wants to have a movie night tomorrow, with Steve, Natasha, Clint, Sam, Rhodey, and Wanda. Bucky was going to come, but figured that large social gatherings with people he doesn't know too well isn't a very good idea. Tony wanted me to pick a movie that wouldn't be triggering for anyone, which is easier said than done.

From what I can tell, taboo topics are gonna be waterboarding, abduction, hypothermia, warfare, major character death, brainwashing, the circus, bombing, and falling from great heights. Any ideas? I want to avoid kids movies, too, so I don't offend them.

Sat, November 28, 2015, 9:48 AM

**Happy Hogan** <happyhoganisnothappy@gmail.com>  
To Pepper▾

Damn, okay. Empire Strikes Back, maybe? Shit no there's the freezing scene. Lord of the Rings? Dirty Dancing, Weekend at Bernie's? Comedies or cheesy romances are probably a safe bet, especially if they're raunchy-less likely to piss them off.

Sat, November 28, 2015, 9:50 AM

**Pepper Potts** <ppotts74@gmail.com>  
To Happy▾  
Thanks, Hap, that helped a lot. I think I've got a good list, I'll send it to Tony and hope he doesn't shoot them all down.

=======

**JOIN US IN CELEBRATING THE BAPTISM OF NATHANIEL PIETRO BARTON!**  
Lady of the Lakes Catholic Church, January 6 at 10 AM

=======

February 6, 2016

Bucky- I should've given theses to you a long time ago. I wasn't aware of how your recovery was going, and I didn't want to burden you with knowledge you couldn't handle.

I felt like a bit of a voyeur holding onto these for so many years. Howard Stark found them first, and I want you to know that he never read past the first. I did. Morbid curiosity, and I apologize for that. I never spoke a word of what I learned to another human being, Bucky, I respected your privacy after violating it so horribly.

If you don't remember these, I apologize. If you do, I hope they bring you joy.

Best wishes,

Nick Fury

=======

Bucky walks down the hall to Steve's room, anxiety pooling in his heart. But he knows he has to, he knows that holding this inside any longer might actually kill him.

Maybe Steve loves him back. Maybe Steve loved the man he was before. Maybe neither is true. Maybe Steve will look past this love and stay his friend, maybe he'll leave him forever. Maybe Bucky doesn't care, because he's gonna say it anyways.

He knocks on the door, and it opens. "Steve,"  
  



	2. Bibliography

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I did an odd amount of research for this story, so I figured I'd include it just because. It will likely answer some of the questions you may have about this story, as I will be interrupting the bibliography with the source's relevance! Since there were a LOT of sources, I didn't cite them all correctly, forgive me please.
> 
> Also, disclaimer, Marvel owns the rights to their characters. I included original characters for the sake of plot, any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental. A few actual people (ex. John Krasinski, Kendrick Lamar) were also included, purely for the sake of accurately portraying pop culture.

**DIRECTLY QUOTED SOURCES**

_Melinda. "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)." HelpGuide.org, www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/ptsd-symptoms-self-help-treatment.htm._

While I have experience with PTSD, I wanted to get an actual medical professional's words for the story. You know, since Steve was supposed to be researching and shit.

_"Winter Soldier Book." Marvel Cinematic Universe Wiki, marvelcinematicuniverse.fandom.com/wiki/Winter_Soldier_Book._

I used this for Bucky's trigger words, and seeing if any other triggers were canon in the MCU. This website is my bible for writing fan fics.

_"Helping Someone With Memory Loss." Content - Health Encyclopedia - University of Rochester Medical Center, www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1._

Again, just wanted an actual doctor's words to back up my own.

_Mock Trial Script. Superior Court of California, www.courts.ca.gov/documents/mocktrialscript-contra.pdf._

Could I have further delved into the rabbit hole of legal proceedings? Sure. Was I smart enough to pull myself out and just change a few words in someone else's trial? Maybe.

**SOURCES FOR UNDERSTANDING THE FORMAT OF MY CHOSEN MEDIAS**

I'm not gonna say more about these ones. Although I did spend a LOT of time digging through H&P (history and physical examination) reports for Steve's medical notes. Like a lot. Whatever, I'm going into training to be an army medic, it's fine.

_"Breaking News, Latest News and Videos." CNN, Cable News Network, 19 Feb. 2014, www.cnn.com/._

_"Face the Nation Transcripts December 29, 2013: Hayden, Drake, Radack, Gellman." CBS News, CBS Interactive, 29 Dec. 2013, www.cbsnews.com/news/face-the-nation-transcripts-december-29-2013-hayden-drake-radack-gellman/._

_"How to Write a Letter of Recommendation (With Examples)." Indeed Career Guide, www.indeed.com/career-advice/career-development/how-to-write-a-letter-of-recommendation-with-examples._

_Guillaume, Jenna. "An Extremely Horny Ranking Of On-Screen Vampires." BuzzFeed, BuzzFeed, 16 Oct. 2020, www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/an-extremely-horny-ranking-of-fictional-vampires._

_https://www.med.unc.edu/medclerk/files/2018/10/hp6.pdf Podder, Vivek. "SOAP Notes." StatPearls [Internet]., U.S. National Library of Medicine, 3 Sept. 2020, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK482263/._

_"25+ Medical Report Samples." Template.net, www.template.net/business/report-templates/medical-report-sample/. "Timothy Moran H & P"  
_

_MyPerfectWords. Sample APA Research Paper, MyPerfectWords, www.myperfectwords.com/blog/research-paper-examples/psychology-research-paper-example.pdf.  
_

_"Professional Lawyer Resume Examples: Law." LiveCareer, 1 Dec. 2020, www.livecareer.com/resume/examples/law/lawyer._

_Team, Writtent. "11 Tweet Writing Tips for a Quick Start [+Examples]." Writtent, 9 Mar. 2017, writtent.com/blog/11-tweet-writing-tips-quick-start-examples/._

_"The MDN Project." The MDN Project | MDN, developer.mozilla.org/en-US/docs/MDN/Structures/Code_examples._

_Al-Ghamdi, Abdullah, and Abdullah Al-Ghamdi (501 Articles Published) Abdullah Al-Ghamdi joined Screen Rant in August 2019. "Tom Holland & Daisy Ridley's Chaos Walking Delayed Again To March 2021." ScreenRant, 17 Dec. 2020, screenrant.com/walking-chaos-movie-tom-holland-delayed-march-2021/._

_"Android Apps on Google Play." Google, Google, play.google.com/store/apps._

_"Doctoral Study in History: AHA." Doctoral Study in History | AHA, www.historians.org/about-aha-and-membership/aha-history-and-archives/historical-archives/the-education-of-historians-in-the-united-states/doctoral-study-in-history.  
_

_"Daniel." Get Disability Benefits Help!, www.disability-benefits-help.org/blog/medical-report-cost.  
_

**MISC SOURCES**

_White, Mary Gormandy. "1940s Slang." English Grammar Rules & Usage, grammar.yourdictionary.com/slang/1940s-slang.html._

_Riforgiato, Leonard. "Gobbledygook? Nope, It's Slang from the 1940s!" Heywood, 30 Nov. 2017, www.heywoodwakefield.com/gobbledygook-nope-slang-1940s/._

Those two sources above are the best for writing forties Stucky. Even if I just look at those words, I can get into the headspace and it's _awesome._

_Loki, Lego. "Location Visit: I Subjugate Greenwich, Filming Location for Thor: The Dark World." Future Ruler of Midgard, 29 Feb. 2020, www.futurerulerofmidgard.com/filming-location/location-visit-i-subjugate-greenwich/._

When I was describing the photographer's photo of Thor: The Dark World I realized that I hated that movie and completely blocked out what it looks like? So yeah, I had to do some digging.

_"Alzheimer's Disease Fact Sheet." National Institute on Aging, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-disease-fact-sheet._

This one was just for help with my timeline (would Steve know what Alzheimer's is or do I have to have him be a dumb whore from the past?), which I actually spent way too much time developing. I have a kink for accurate information.

_"Kendrick Lamar – DNA." Genius, 14 Apr. 2017, genius.com/Kendrick-lamar-dna-lyrics._

This was for when I deadass wrote a Kendrick Lamar song and wanted a reference for how his lyrics flow and stuff. That was fun, I didn't take as much time as I should've on it, but it was fun.

_"Wes Anderson." Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 16 Dec. 2020, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wes_Anderson._

"Just because you're watching Moonrise Kingdom right now, doesn't mean you know shit about Wes Anderson," she muttered to herself as she bitterly did her research for a fake Screen Rant article.

_"How Does a Judge Rule on Objections?" Findlaw, 21 June 2016, www.findlaw.com/litigation/going-to-court/how-does-a-judge-rule-on-objections.html._

_"What Are Some Common Objections?" WomensLaw.org, 16 Oct. 2020, www.womenslaw.org/laws/preparing-court-yourself/hearing/objecting-evidence/what-are-some-common-objections._

Sure, I used someone else's trial, but that doesn't mean I did it ignorantly! The two above sources were some of the ways I tried not to be a stupid idiot.

_"US-PG-13." IMDb, IMDb.com, www.imdb.com/search/title/?certificates=US%3APG-13._

Finding movies for the Avengers to watch wasn't just difficult for Happy and Pepper.

_"Reviews for What Your Kids Want to Watch (before They Watch It): Common Sense Media." Common Sense Media: Ratings, Reviews, and Advice, www.commonsensemedia.org/._

Finding movies for the Avengers to watch made me want to _shit out maggots._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This story was a blast to write, I hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to comment any questions you have, or just let me know you're here so I can thank you personally!  
> Lots of love,  
> The Author


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